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          恋爱前,一定要注意这点

          时间: 2019-04-16 | 作者:情感小房子 | 来源: 海豚文章网 | 编辑: admin | 阅读:

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            文字? / 病房

            音乐? /《可最后》任然

            在网上看到这样一个故事。

            觉得说的很对。

            说白了,性格就是原生态家庭赋予的。

            说白了,谈恋爱跟原生态家庭的关系分不开。

            准确的说,影响很大。

            性格,是刻在骨子里的,会遗传的。

            思维方式,为人处事…

            都会遗传。

            什么样的父母,就有可能生出什么样的孩子。

            不信,可以观察一下。

            甚至是,家庭主导地位强势的那个,通常都跟孩子是一样的。所以,我有这么一个观点要摆出来。

            谈恋爱结婚前,一定要看原生态家庭是否健康。

            我有一个朋友。

            从小在家里被妈妈言语暴力,经常被骂废物,没有用。

            后来,这个朋友开始谈恋爱了,可是不知不觉中,他变成了妈妈的样子,也经常用言语暴力去攻击自己的对象。

            有一次,他跟我聊天的时候说,他终于变成了他妈妈那样的人,理智的时候,能够平静下来,但是在吵架失控的时候,就会变成他妈妈那样的人,用言语暴力伤害自己的对象。

            他在不理智的时候,

            能骂他对象是废物。

            他知道不对,但是,他改不了,这就是原生态家庭潜移默化下的性格。朋友的对象曾经有好多次想要拯救,但是拯救不了。

            朋友说,总有一天他应该会亲自终结这段恋爱,他这种病态的原生态家庭,真的不配和任何女生谈恋爱。

            我倒认为,并不是说原生态家庭不好,就一定没有资格恋爱,或者说不配谈恋爱。

            而是说,在谈恋爱之前要看一看对方的原生态家庭。什么家暴史,什么各种出轨史,我不能完全绝对的劝说你不要选择这样的人,而是要慎重选择。

            我更想提醒你的是,不要一味的觉得他这样的家庭很惨,这样的家庭很惨的同时,所带来的影响也是不可小觑的。

            更不要高估自己的能力,能够拯救一个原生态家庭不好的人。

            很多时候,你太高估自己,而选择拯救一个人的同时,很有可能被对方同化。当然,如果看到这里,你还是很爱对方,并且确定有这个能力能拯救对方。

            你也可以继续和一个糟糕的原生态家庭谈恋爱。

            前提是,你不能把自己陷进去。

            前提是,你要用爱把他从原本糟糕的原生态家庭中拯救出来。原生态家庭所复刻的人,除了爱,好像没有什么可以拯救的。

            且不仅仅是单纯的你很爱他。

            更重要的是,他很爱你,他愿意为你将骨子里这种性格,这种潜移默化了十几年的东西改掉。

            当然,你也可以认为,这是我对糟糕的原生态家庭的一种偏见。

            但我还是想提醒我的小房子们:

            如果是极其糟糕的原生态家庭,一定一定要选择慎重。不是说你不可以拯救他,而是你要确保你有这个能力拯救他。

            最重要的是拯救他,千万不可以被同化。

            如果不能拯救,及时远离。

            有些东西真的不是你能拯救的,你唯一要做的是在自己力所能及的范围内,在?;ず米约旱姆段谌フ榷苑?。

            因为我们生来,就是被爱和施与爱的,拯救人这种事,还是交给超人去做吧。

            - END -

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          文章标题: 恋爱前,一定要注意这点
          文章地址: http://www.xbtdc.com/article-95-183357-0.html
          文章标签:恋爱
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