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          爆文一时爽,小心有陷阱

          时间: 2019-04-16 | 作者:姚怡 | 来源: 海豚文章网 | 编辑: admin | 阅读:

            朋友圈中常常能看到这样的爆文:

            说婚姻里的女人是最苦的。女人们既要肩负家庭和事业,又要伺候一个“爷”一样的老公。所以现在离婚率越来越高。

            但现在的女人已经不是旧社会离了男人,不能活的小脚女人了。当男人还在婚姻里“独自享乐”,女人却早已受够了他们的“不作为”,不懂得经营婚姻,却只顾自己。

            婚姻是两个人一同的协作,而不是一方忍耐,另一方享受。只有那些懂得爱,扛得起婚姻责任的男人,才能给你滋养。

            看见这种文章,我很想转给我家那块木头看,或者转发朋友圈里,他一定会看到。

            准备这么做时,脑海里又会出现另一个声音:海燕啊,你可长点心吧。你知道,这并不是事实的全部。

            于是我顺从脑海中的声音停下来捋一捋:这些爆文所说是全部真相吗,又是如何俘获了广大女性的心?

          爆文核心1:同理女性的苦.....

            爆文的核心思想之一,女性最苦,婚姻里的女性苦上加苦。

            爆文给了女性之痛一个承接点:我知道你是苦的,我理解你的痛苦。当我们发现他人认可我们的付出,能看到我们的价值时,我们就会很轻易的相信TA。

            别说稍微感性的女性,就连更为事实派的男性,听到如此宽慰人心的话,都会两行热泪,你真的太了解我了。这也是古代男人愿意去青楼,日本居酒屋的甜妹子最吸引人的地方。

            专门为女性生产的爆文,正好扮演了宽慰女性身心之痛,看见女性价值的角色。有些的简介词更直接说:我没见过你,但是我了解你。

            这些爆文的内容在“女性之痛”上给出了承接,如果仅仅在安慰女性的痛上止步,我觉得这一点也不坏。就好像在小孩子的世界里,父母可能因为工作或者成人世界的复杂性短暂的离开他们,小孩子却永远可以抱住自己的毛毛熊获得安慰。

            爆文的安慰背后却有一个陷阱:小孩子永远可以抱住自己的毛毛熊,因为毛毛熊不会跑也不会跳,但是大人如果给自己画地为牢,就会发现世界改变,我却原地不动。

            没有谁可以只留在痛苦里。我们更需要的是看见这个痛,面对这个痛,然后走出这个痛。只有如此才能够获得自由。

          爆文核心2:为女性发泄愤怒.....

            爆文的核心思想之二,你有愤怒,我来表达。

            在关系中很多女性是沉默的,她们没有学会在关系中表达,常处在敢怒不敢言的情境中。她们知道自己的苦,却不知如何说,更不知如何向对方表达。

            爆文的制作团队都是些,表达能力很强的人,他们不但能清晰说出女性之痛,还能数落出对方的任性,更能够变着花样的写。

            所以,爆文看起来得有多爽——看见了我的苦,说出了我的痛,还数落了我想数落的人。

            这无疑帮助女性看清了自己的处境,发泄了无法对他人表达的愤怒——无法被看清的愤怒,无法被语言标记的痛苦,无法对对方诉说的委屈,被看见和清除。

            不过到达“发泄愤怒”并不算完,影视剧需要戏剧张力,爆文也需要戏剧张力。只将女性之痛写出来,将女性的委屈讲清楚,将男性的任性数出来还不能算一款成功的爆文。

            最后,还需要一个点燃干草的打火机。爆文需要一个燃点,将男性与女性对立起来。这就好像是一些解决人感情生活的节目一般,若想让戏外的人看的惊心动魄,节目组是希望“戏中人”打起来的,因为不打起来是真心不好看。

            爆文也需要一些由头,先让男人女人对立起来,再得双方不服气得“打起来”才算数。没有这种燃爆的情绪,如何能燃爆点击量呢?

            但很可惜,生活不是戏剧舞台,我们上得去,是否还下得来?

            在生活中没有被看到的愤怒是需要被观察的,没有被表达的情绪是需要清晰表达的。但这不意味着双方的绝对对立。

            张爱玲说“生在这世上,没有一样感情不是千疮百孔的?!闭馕抟捎行┚奈兜?,的确没有哪段关系会没有问题。关系就像衣服一样可以缝缝补补,旧衣服却有旧衣服的好处,只有这块布料留有我们的味道。

            所以,我们需要在男女的对立中下来,在生活中找一种适合的男女相处之道。

          爆文里有安慰,也有陷阱.....

            爆文效应会发酵,这是一种思想与情绪的传播,也是一种思维的固化。

            我身边很多姐妹已经离婚,或者正在闹离婚。我发现她们中很多人想离婚是因为,她们认同爆文的观点:男人在婚姻里没担当,不懂得呵护女人,不懂得经营感情。那女人既养得了自己,又养得了孩子,还需要你干嘛?

            我感觉,这种对立缺少了些发现,我相信真正的关系要比这个复杂。我们仔细想想这种女性其实在发出这样的声音:

            一方面我追求在世界上独立存活,另一方面我希望在关系里被呵护与照顾。而如果你不能给我关怀,我又在应对世界上没问题。我还需要你吗,我还需要关系吗?

            可以看见这里面含有她们对关系隐性的渴望,但她们却没有方法做些让关系变得更好的事情。仿佛她们只有两个选择,在关系中得不到照料,或者离开关系变得真正的“独立”。

            女性因历史悠久的社会地位,将她们固定在一个弱小、附属品的角色上。当一些有干劲的女性一旦有机会,就去毁掉这个“被命名”的角色,去成为一个“独立”的人。

            这是从一端走向另一端,因为没有经验,所以很难把握这个程度。使得她们中有些人回不来了,独立是否意味着不需要关系,不需要他人?她们仿佛无法理解自己的另一面,同时需要关系,想被照顾,想被关怀。

            其实无论女性或者男性,都是在独立中寻求关系,在关系中又可以维持独立。所以,一个人就需要关系,也可以独立。

            爆文只是一种两性关系的催化剂,给了女性一些安慰,同样给了女性一些圈套。

            很有可能女性首要的问题不是去和男性和解,而是与曾经“被标明的角色”的对立中寻找和解,再找寻真正属于自己的女性角色。来完成独立与关系的和谐。

          作者:姚怡

            心理咨询师,自由撰稿人

            终身学习实践者

            左手练冥想,右手写小说

            爱好运动和阅读的全职妈妈一枚

            个人公众号:黑白蓝

            推 荐 阅 读

            投稿

            猛 戳独立是否意味着不需要关系,不需要他人?

          文章标题: 爆文一时爽,小心有陷阱
          文章地址: http://www.xbtdc.com/article-95-183302-0.html
          文章标签:陷阱  小心
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